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Painful sex

There are lots of reasons why sex may become painful, and even when the problem has been sorted out, it can take a long time before sex becomes enjoyable again. You definitely need help from your doctor for this symptom – it is not something you can sort out on your own.

Before you see your doctor, try to be clear in your mind whether the pain occurs:
  • when your partner attempts to put his penis into your vagina (superficial pain)
  • when the erect penis is fully inserted and during thrusting (deep pain)
  • in the hours after sex
  • in another part of the body, such as the hip joints.

Causes of pain at the entrance of the vagina during sex

Lack of arousal and a dry vagina is one of the most common reasons (look at sex and ageing).

After childbirth, some women experience pain when they start having sex again. It is more likely after the first baby. Sometimes it is due to an episiotomy (that is the cut made during the delivery) that has not healed properly. The pain almost always goes away after about 3 months.
 
Infections, such as thrush or herpes, cause soreness of the vulva (the lips round the opening of the vagina). Vaginal discharge causes chafing of the skin, which makes the problem worse.
 
Blocked Bartholin’s glands. Bartholin’s glands are just inside the opening of the vagina, one on each side. They help produce lubrication for sex. If the opening of a Bartholin’s gland becomes blocked, it swells up into a cyst. Bacteria may enter the cyst, turning it into a painful abscess.
 
Skin irritants such as perfumed soaps, bubble baths, biological (which means that they contain enzymes) washing powders, ‘intimate’ deodorants and spermicides can all make the vulva sore.
 

When sex causes pain deep inside

Pelvic inflammatory disease is an infection of the Fallopian tubes (the tubes, one on each side, that carry the egg from the ovaries to the uterus). These tubes lie close to the top of the vagina, so sex causes a deep pain.
 
Endometriosis is a peculiar condition, in which some of the tissue that normally lines the uterus (the womb) lies outside the uterus, in the pelvic cavity. No one knows why it occurs, though it seems to be quite common. Many women have no symptoms from it, but if the tissue is lying behind the uterus it can cause painful sex, especially on deep thrusting. A sign of endometriosis is bad period pains – especially if they last throughout the period.
 
Pelvic pain syndrome. For 2 out of every 3 women with deep pain during sex, no cause can be found; you may have to accept that you have pelvic pain syndrome. This syndrome is not fully understood, but it is related to stress. One possible, but not proven, explanation is that, in some women, chronic stress alters the flow of blood in the veins of the pelvis, so that the pelvis becomes congested. If you are easily aroused during sex, but have difficulty reaching orgasm, the problem becomes worse because the pelvic congestion is not relieved. You may then experience a pain that persists after sex for some hours.
 
Lack of arousal. Intercourse will be uncomfortable if penetration occurs before you are aroused. This is partly because of lack of lubrication, but also because with sexual arousal the upper part of the vagina balloons open. This helps to lift the womb up and away from the thrusts of the penis. If penetration occurs too early, there may be a pain or discomfort felt deep in the middle of the pelvis with each thrust.
 
Other causes include irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and cystitis – both the bladder and bowel lie close to the vagina.
 
 
Dr Phil Hammond discusses painful sex, vaginal dryness and urinary tract infections in his Expert guide to After the menopause

Written by: Dr Margaret Stearn
Edited by: Dr Margaret Stearn
Last updated: Thursday, June 10th 2010

 


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Comments on this article

Posted by Optional on 20/09/2014 at 11:32

Im 20 years old anytime im having having sex with my partner i feel pains on my virginal and sometimes he use to hit something inside me which is very painful and after sex i used to fell pains which last for days and to pee is a problem because it hurts sometime i used to cry and sometimes he's forced to stop because i can't bear the pains can i bear kids? What should i do because he's now complaining please i beg you help me

Posted by Amy on 10/09/2014 at 09:24

I have just had sex with my boyfriend and it started to burn when he was inside me. And as soon as he took it out it's burning I went for a wee (wasn't painful) now it's burning me quite bad. Please help. We didn't use a condom but used lube. Never had a problem before with the lube or having sex with my parter.

Posted by Optional on 07/09/2014 at 08:27

i got married 3 weeks before.. but still i have alot of pain during sex.. and i feel no enjoyment.. not even 1%.. just feel alot of pain.. why is it so?? im so worried

Posted by See a doctor?? on 04/09/2014 at 05:35

Bleeding during sex and after. Deep pain too. Any suggestions? Can I wait it out?

Posted by Optionaljust worried on 03/09/2014 at 11:03

hi i have a batholins cyst and my boyfriend does not know about it and he wants to have sex , i keep on making up excuses to why i cant but cant seem to tell the truth because i am to embrassed to tell tell him and not sure how to explain what is going on down there...

Posted by Optional on 02/09/2014 at 05:43

What am I supposed to do if I don't get pain or anything, just bleeding? Can a male penis make you bleed?

Posted by jeny on 01/09/2014 at 10:37

Everytime we having sex my partner hit something that hurts... can I get pregnant?

Posted by anu on 01/09/2014 at 10:12

My bf is 24 years old and i am 30 ..when we have sex first time i feel alot pain and did not enjoy sex..what cause could be?

Posted by Afraidofdivorce on 31/08/2014 at 09:36

I'm not real sure which category I fit in. All I know is, I'm 30 years old and I do have trouble getting lubricated. I have been with my husband for 13 years and in the past 2 have had problems. But, in the past 6 or 9 months, it has gotten radically worse. We are lucky to have sex every few months. And he knows its because its painful for me. I chalked it up to having 2 kids under 2 years old and only 13 months apart and just being exhausted and "not in the mood". And I know what you're thinking, with kids so close in age there was a time we were like rabbits...my children are adopted. Maybe its a mental thing. Everything started going downhill when I found out pregnancy wasn't an option for me. I'm only 30, and that's still young right? I feel at my age I shouldn't have problems becoming lubricated. I mean, like I said, this only started happening about 2 years ago. I know my husband is distressed about it. And so am I. After a night out and a few drinks in us both, and a couple months since our last escapade, he was ready to go. I wasn't. I was hoping the alcohol would loosen me up but my mind kept returning to the pain and how unbearable it is. He actually looked at me and said, either we get help with this situation or we are going to have to come to some kind of agreement on me being able to sleep with other women! Of course, not wanting to loose my husband, I literally have to FORCE myself to have sex atleast once a week; and I honestly think that it would be the same way with anyone else. It has nothing to do with how much I love him or if I am still attracted to him, because I very much am still attracted to him and I very much do love him. Could it be my mind playing an evil, dirty trick on me or an actual medical problem? My OBGYN has run test and has came to the conclusion that I have no medical reason for the pain. No cyst, no blocked glands etc...I'm just wondering if anyone else has been through this or something similar and it turns out it was all in their head. If so, how do I fix myself? Sex Therapist or a Psychiatrist? Thanks, JRM...

Posted by Bla on 31/08/2014 at 06:05

So i had sex for the first time an i wonder y it hurt so bad , it hurt the entire time an if he moved it hurt worse i think it was i was very dry or something else because it was strange care to help out?

Posted by Optional on 26/08/2014 at 12:24

I have been to doctors and clinics to find out answers but all I got was a brushing off - as it felt! Everyone just said the same, "you're allergic to soap". It was common for me to come up with sore spots in the vagina, the doctor told me it was a cut and having intercourse would only make it worse and it won't heal, then I got told it could be an STD, shocking the doctors when they all came back negative!! Then I went to the vulvul clinic, and they said they were small ulcers due to being allergic to soap, have me Aqeus cream to use in replacement of soap, and mild steroid cream to get rid of the ulcers. When the ulcers went, I stopped using the steroid cream, but the ulcers came back in different places in my vaginal canal. However I kept going for check ups, for them to just keep telling me to use the steroid cream. I haven't had an ulcer for a couple of months now and sex life is back to normal - which is great! - however, during these months of my sex life getting back to normal, it now feels like it's falling apart again! Without ulcers this time. After intercourse, I happen to get a very sore and inflamed vagina just at the entrance, it is so painful, and also painful to pee afterwards. Could this be anything else rather than soap and detergents? I have tried everything and fed up of being told something that I don't quite believe.... :(

Posted by Optional on 25/08/2014 at 11:19

When i have sex, as he inserts his penis at about just over half way i feel it inside pushing against something hard so its stopping him. He can feel it too he says he can feel his penis it hitting something? I dont know what it is and im kinda worried. Does anyone know what is happening?

Posted by Cherry on 23/08/2014 at 02:16

I am 22yrs old and I experienced my First time Intercourse a couple of days and it was kind of painful I don't know if it was the lack of lubricant or because it was my first time or even though we used a condom I wanted to be extra sure and had the Plan B pill. So I experienced some pain inside my vagina like in the part where the tampon goes in and then I was fine after a couple of days but the Pain comes and goes some days I'm fine and when I try to masturbarte and use my finger after I keep feeling that pain and it's painful to pee. I don't know if it was because it was my first time and that's how it supposed to feel or do I have a yeast infection or alergy to the condom or if it could be something more serious?? Can someone please answer me so that I can go to my health care provider or is it normal and it will go away with time??

Posted by Optional on 22/08/2014 at 01:34

Hi iam very sore down below and have been itchy and carnt enjoy sex with my partner of 5 years I've Tryed everything from washing putting cream on I've had it a couple of days should I go my doctor what is it

Posted by Optional on 18/08/2014 at 10:15

My vagina is still bleeding. I recently let my husband have sex with me. I wanted to very badly. I don't know what is happening. He was the one that took my virginity. I had slight bleeding when I first made love with him. But now,it is just bleeding as if there is something in there. Any help?

Posted by student on 18/05/2014 at 08:24

I am a man n m having pain in my right side of my back after having sex

Posted by Optional on 25/04/2014 at 06:20

Iv been with my bf for 3 months we have had sex every weekend ever since we met but now just starting last weekend it's like tearing pain and it hurts bad but I let him keep going and if he does the pain goes away if he does. I need help

Posted by Optional on 17/03/2014 at 04:58

Having a weird pain in my virginal since yesterday...I kept having the urge to go toilet though it is very little. The output was abit pain as well. I was having fun with my spouse 2 days back. And this is the first time encounter such pain though we did it before. Please advise me. Thank you

Posted by Anonymous on 12/01/2014 at 02:06

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and for the past 3 months I have been experiencing some problems, low sex drive, we used to have sex every night and now I just try my best to avoid it, this is because when we do have sex it is painful and I don't feel any satisfaction or arousal, no matter what we try. I have been for tests and they have all come back normal..but clearly this isn't a normal thing! Help!

Posted by Tatenda on 15/12/2013 at 11:29

I love sex so much but my boyfriend has got a big penis ans everytime its like am losing my viginity.i have pains just at the opening of my vagina.and the pain is less if am riding him ontop.evrytime he is on top its painful and we are really struggling to overcome this problem.please help

Posted by sylvia on 29/10/2013 at 12:33

My partners penis is big and I started making love to him last year after being a vergine for nineteen years.I was treated for ovarial cystitis because it used to be painful the moment he entered my vagina and I got better;but now if we try certain positions my abdominals hurt(or I can say somewhere by my waist).I have painful period pains through out my period.what is the problem and can I get treatment?

Posted by Optional on 16/08/2013 at 09:11

I&ma man w'v been together for quite a long tym bt since w strtd havin sex,i'v bn fylin pains on ma left side jst undr ma stomach.I once conductd ma doc n h syd i got P.I.D,i ws on mac 4 mnth n pains went away.Bt since then evry tym w had sex i stil get dose pains&it tyks a full mnth b4 i cn get ma periods.How can i cure this?i realy enjy makin love to him.

Posted by XYZ on 03/08/2013 at 09:05

its been almost 9 years iam married and i have recently (from past two months) come across a problem which i dont understand why is it happening... Whenever my man penetrates i feel extreme pain in my vagina which is at times unbearable... though iam completely aroused and well lubricated but initially it is tough for him to enter. Since my partner is very cooperative at the start he is very very slow.. I find this problem very unusual because i'v never felt pain having sex, and since this is a sudden thing i'm experiencing, am scared thinking i might be unwell...Somebody pls help and tell me if anythings seriously wrong... Btw my mom died of uterine cancer, which is making me insecure al together..Please help!!!

Posted by Optional on 16/06/2013 at 11:38

When I was 19 every time me n Man have sex once the penis goes all the way in I start getting pain on my right side a really sharp pain where I can't handly it and we stop having sex straight a way but when the penis is out I lay on my side and my legs can't stop shaking and my Virgina is burning and my mans penis burns and his itchy ive been doctors about it so many time they done 3 4 tests it come negative they can't found out what's wrong with me and now it's Been 6 years of my marriage and I got 3 babies with c section but I'm still got the pain in my virgina during sex I need help I can't handly it any more please help me

Posted by Shana on 18/03/2013 at 12:22

Everytime my husband comes back from deployment, sex is so painful for a few months. Could it be a lack of estrogen because of age or is it just lack of sex during the deployment. We are married for 8 years. He has been deployed 6 times for over 8 months each time.

Posted by Optional on 19/02/2013 at 05:25

Sex is always fine the first time, but then if I try to do it again in the next few days it feels like its being ripped and oh dear god it KILLS

Posted by Optional on 19/02/2013 at 04:34

My boyfriend says I am deep inside and can not fill me be tight.I also fill the same thing when we making love.what is the possible cause o

Posted by Kruti on 19/02/2013 at 08:47

Develop intercourse pain phobia since our marriage. We have completed 4yrs but did not enjoy sex since sday one Now planning for pregancy...have to insert any how Plz suggest

Posted by Optional on 18/02/2013 at 02:31

Ive had sex 3 times with the same person. And the first time we used a.condum and lubricant. I was allergic to the condom and I had gotten a reaction from the lubricant. I also bleed (obviously because it was my first time) anyways,my legs also wouldnt relax and open. They were really tense and he had to push them open. So we stopped. The second time we tryed the condom again, still allergic so we did it without it. The pain was still there and I felt it on the inside walls of my vagina. And I still bleed. The last time I finally got to use a condum w/out a reaction but the pain was still there and I bleed a lot more than both times. Im scared to have sex now because the pain was so bad. I dont know what to do.

Posted by Katie on 17/02/2013 at 06:39

I normally feel no pain during sex, last night I had sex with a friend and he couldn't get it in without it hurting and just slipped out, this doesn't normally happen to me and I feel embarrassed that it happened, why did it?

Posted by sammy on 02/02/2013 at 09:47

I have a problem with my girlfriend,she always feels pains when having sex.she don't wanna kiss me at all,even before we have sex.

Posted by Rachael on 26/01/2013 at 09:31

since three months now i've been feeling pains inside my stomach nd i have been having sex for 3months

Posted by Prudence on 16/01/2013 at 11:14

Hi,my hubby n i hv been together for 13 yrs n we started making luv 10 yrs back then when i was a virgin,we have 2 cute bbyboys which i gave birth to them via caesarian method half a decade ago.we used to enjoy sex,bt recently abt 3 year till nw,my vagina easly tear then i will experience terrible pains frm da tear.my husband is nolonger satisfied,he doesnt say so bt i cn tell.pls women a little advise cn help

Posted by Optional on 16/01/2013 at 06:57

after sex i had a very terriable pain in my lower stomach , puking and swollen stomach fir 3 days it has gone down and now i have pain when we have sex and now also it is uncomfortable to pee and burning inside and outside of vagina no STDs wondering if i have an infection or something ? whats going on with me ?

Posted by Optional on 15/01/2013 at 10:52

Well, I really apprecial this website for the solution. It started about 3months now that when i am menstruating the inchings will appear and this has been a problem since then. I will like to get some answer to this again. thanks

Posted by Paige on 15/01/2013 at 05:45

My current boyfriend has a large penis and we used water based lubricant when we first became intimate. I'm used to him now but we took it slow in the beginning.

Posted by emma on 29/12/2012 at 12:04

Hiya just need advise. Everytime me and my partner have sex it hurts the deeper he goes and stings and it feels as if something is blocked and when he goes deep I have pains in my bum. I had an ecoli utract infection but treated it but the same pain is still in my left side of stomach. Any1 else got simular symtoms plz x

Posted by Optional on 26/12/2012 at 10:02

I want to knw the reason why my vaginal peals and also stratch me after my period every month

Posted by cobfused on 22/12/2012 at 01:42

I had a partial hysterectomy over 2 years ago and now after having sex with a man with a big penis my stomach is hurting and have been hurting for the past week.

Posted by favour on 17/12/2012 at 10:11

it happend on the following day when my period have stoped i had sex without condom and my boyfriend ejaculate inside, i took salt mixed with water to flush away the semen, on that same day i saw blood on my pant i knew it was my period, the second day d same thing, on the day i discovered that i'm wet till 4 days now i have been wettin on my pant and is very slippery. Please i'm scared i thought is infection.

Posted by Optional on 10/12/2012 at 11:15

Hi i got a massive pain inside & out of womb 10 hrs after sex with husband! It was very passionate and loving I didn't think we were ruff really, he was bit red after on his penis but I didn't feel any pain till hrs later. My hips and back were killing me, and it felt like I couldn't pass urine and when I did it cut like knifes and I think i passed blood. It shouldn't be a sti. It had been almost two weeks since we had intercourse and didn't hurt during but my bum and legs feel bruised and only for cystitis treatment I'm sure it would still kill me to pass urine!! My tummy was so swollen and after nights sleep it's gone Down a bit. I adore my husband and don't think he would be with anyone else. So I'm asking if anyone has had this happen?? I'm sore sick, and have bowl problem too! Maybe it's that??

Posted by Optional on 24/11/2012 at 08:52

I've been going with my partner 15 months and we haven't had sex much because I get pain during sex. I don't like to do anything sexual anymore because I always fear the pain now. I have pain when entering the vagina and deep inside. What could this be? What should I do?

Posted by embarrassingproblems.com on 19/11/2012 at 02:45

To Optional on 13/11/2012, you may find this page of interest: www.embarrassingproblems.com/problem/vaginal-vulva-problems

Posted by Optional on 13/11/2012 at 10:18

My vagina hole is kinda split into 2 with a pieces of skin and it's really embarrassing, the piece of skin is loose but it doesn't look normal and I don't think anyone else has this:-(

Posted by Vagi-Moose on 11/11/2012 at 09:33

Our new website www.vagi-wave is now live and can help provide help and support for these very intimate issues. Please visit the site and view the video. It may just be the solution you are looking for.

Posted by Optional on 04/11/2012 at 06:37

Hi! I have a question that I would like some help with. I have ovly been sexually active for 5 months now, and I am on bieth control pills. Lately ( last week or two) whenever I become sexually excited I get sharpish pains in the area where my ovaries are and sometimes in my uterus. Not every time, but more often than not.

Posted by Optional on 02/11/2012 at 11:55

My boyfriend and i use to have sex all the time w.o. a problem , it has always been enjoyable to us . But for a few months now when we have sex penetration is extremely painful . We do foreplay to get me wet enough but it still is painful . Now i can't have sex w. Him more than once a day or the whole sex would be painful , i even have to take a day or two w.o. it. Its pissing me off cus i love sex but cant enjoy it as much . And when he goes to put it in all i can think of is praying it wont hurt as bad .

Posted by Nichola on 22/10/2012 at 11:37

Just last week I had vaginal thrush and was prescribed a pessary and cream, I then had sex when my vagina was no longer irritated,which was about 3 days after I used the pessary, but ever since that when my boyfriend enters me I feel like it stings at the opening of the vagina sometimes like burning, it is sometimes not as sore as others, after he has entered it is not too sore anymore, but after sex my vagina swells a bit and is sore, can this just be because it has not fully recovered from just having thrush? Or is it something else ? Please help ?

Posted by Optional on 18/10/2012 at 11:33

For several years now having sex is very painful, it stings after going to the bathroom and my veins behind right knee and lower down are a bursting red color and painful for several hours. I went to a specialist to illiminate the possibility of a blood clot. which I don't have. So why does this happen?

Posted by Amara on 23/09/2012 at 01:41

Please am having pains during sex ,unplesant foul smell from my vagina,and itching in my private part bur right now am not having that foul smell but am having itching pls i need your help advice ,me on what to do

Posted by Optional on 09/09/2012 at 05:48

I am having problems staying aroused by sexual contact. He is feeling it but I can't always feel the pleasure which I enjoy when it's there. I had a partial hysterectomy. Could that be the problem? I want to enjoy sex again.

Posted by ANgel on 04/09/2012 at 09:07

Hey I've seen that many of you girls have problems when it was all wet in the begining and then it got all dry my one frend had the same problem so she started to use baby oil she says it keeps everything wet for hours and you don't feel any pain when he enters you just pour baby oil on your vagina and on your guys penis and you can enjoy wet sex ..

Posted by Optional on 21/05/2012 at 06:35

Does anyone have any suggestions or comments? I have never experienced this before, but the the other day after my girlfriend and I had sex, my penis was really sore and red, I had this sore discomfort, I was concerned, I had no idea why that was

Posted by Optional on 21/02/2012 at 05:37

Hi I have policistic overys had it since 16 years off age I'm now 35 and sex hurts and I'm left with pain in the bottom off my lower left side of my stomach do u no what is coursing it

Posted by katy on 26/09/2011 at 10:52

when i have sex i cant explain it well but it hurts when my boyfriend tries to thrust into me like it did the first time i ever had sex. ever since the last time we had sex i cant wear tampons and it hurts to have intercourse

Posted by Daisy on 08/09/2011 at 02:51

During orgasm I have terrible stinging pain deep inside, on release of sperm (whilst trying for a baby) the stinging was so intense I have to hold still and my husband has to cease sexual activity. I often bleed and the orgasm spasms are really painful. I have been checked for STI/STD'S but always come back clear. I regularly have thrush to the point of bleeding and suffer from cystitis resulting in antibiotics for relief. I have two children and my partner has also been checked whilst we have been together with clear results.My smears always come back normal too. Please help, I am REALLY concerned.

Posted by Britt on 08/08/2011 at 05:46

I am 18 years old. Everytime me and my fiance have sex, I start off really wet and then get dry. It feels like the folds of my vaginia are entering my body and is rubbing me raw. If you have any suggestions please help me.

Posted by ann81153 on 21/07/2011 at 12:18

I will soon be 58yrs old and I noticed using a mirror that my clitoris is very very small compared to years ago. It first scared and dI figured as long as I am able to urinate I'm ok. I have not been sexually active for over 10 years, I take over 15 medications for my lupus, kidneys, and diabeties.

Posted by Optional on 20/02/2011 at 08:24

well for starters, on the top very top where the lips first seperate i have 2 bumps with little holes in them. they dont hurt or anything just embarrassing and on the very bottom before the anus i have 2 large pimple type things. do i have herpes or something?

Posted by Optional on 02/12/2010 at 02:28

Vagina too tight intercourse too painful, cannot take penis even with lubrication.

Posted by Optional on 10/11/2010 at 09:21

The first time i had sex was so painful we had to stop as i also started bleeding, i went to my doctor who carried out an exam on me and that was painful too, i just want to know whats wrong with me so i can enjoy sex. any ideas?

Posted by Optional on 14/06/2010 at 04:15

Since menopause sex too painful, although wanted. Have tried lubricants, but do not seem to work. What next?????

Posted by Optional on 28/04/2010 at 10:04

I have extreme pain during sex. It is on the inside front part of my vagina and it starts when my fiance is climaxing. I nor my doctor's can find what is causing this pain but it is very frustrating because I am the kind of person that loves sex and I mean I love sex...please help me.

Posted by lucy on 01/12/2009 at 10:08

i was having sexual intercourse and as he was thrusting he missed and penetrated my anus and the pan was crippling. its been two days and i experienced a tear and some bleedind and find it hard to sit and stand easily. i dont engage in anal activities nd dont wish to ever do so please tell me how i can heal physically. I have been cleaning with dettol disinfectant what else should i do. Please help

Posted by Anonymous on 20/10/2009 at 06:41

It hurts while having sex and after having had sex it then hurts/burns around the vagina too. I think it's thrush, just need some more advice about it?

Posted by ma on 19/03/2009 at 07:21

Is it harmful to want and have anul sex If so how

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