Problems tackled: 21,355

No interest in sex

Sex – no interest

  • “All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure I’d sooner go to the dentist any day.” (Evelyn Waugh, British writer)
  • “I know it does make people happy, but to me it’s just like having a cup of tea.” (Cynthia Payne, after her acquittal on a charge of controlling prostitutes in a famous case in 1987)
  • 37% of men have sex less than once a fortnight (MORI/Esquire poll of 800 men aged 18–45, 1992)

Sexual appetite (libido) tends to wax and wane – there are periods in our lives when we have little desire for sex, and other periods when sex assumes an overriding importance. Most of the time we are somewhere in between. So losing interest in sex is probably a temporary phase, and not a disaster. In fact it is only a problem if it means there is an imbalance between our desires and those of our partner, if it makes our partner feel unloved and frustrated, or if we ourselves feel unhappy because of it. It is also important to remember that most people are having much less sex than everyone else thinks, as has been shown by many surveys. All the same, there may be a reason for lack of sexual desire that can be remedied.

Reasons in both women and men

Depression is one of the most common reasons. Surveys show that about 2 out of 3 people with depression lose interest in sex, as a result of imbalances in brain biochemistry. So it is not something that you should blame yourself for.
 
Medications, such as antidepressants, tranquillizers and beta-blockers, can damp down sex drive.
 
Sexual side effects of various antidepressant drugs
Women
  • Loss of desire
  • Vaginal dryness (so intercourse is uncomfortable)
  • Difficulty having an orgasm

Men

Stress and physical illnesses take their toll on every aspect of life, including sexuality. It is difficult to be enthusiastic about sex if you are worried, tired, in pain or generally under par.

Relationship problems of any kind can depress libido (although some couples find their sex life improves when other aspects of their relationship are rocky).
 
Something in the past can affect the present, such as memories of sexual abuse, or a demoralizing sexual relationship.

Reasons in women

Infection and contraception. Worries about infection or a contraceptive method you are not comfortable with can trigger a loss of interest in sex. For example, you may have noticed some vaginal discharge or something about your partner’s genitals, and are worrying that you or your partner could have a sexually transmitted disease. Some contraceptive pills, particularly those with a high progesterone content, can reduce sexual desire.
 
A new baby is very demanding of time and energy, hormone balances are changing and there may be soreness from stitches. So it is not surprising that 50% of women do not have much interest in sex for many months after childbirth (although 1 in 5 women feels more sexual than before). The American sexologists Masters and Johnson found that 47% of women had little desire for sex for at least 3 months after having a baby. Another survey asked women about their sex life 30 weeks after having a baby: only 25% were as sexually active as before; most said their sexual desire was much reduced; and 22% had almost stopped having any sex at all.
 
Breastfeeding causes temporary vaginal dryness and discomfort (because of the high levels of the breastfeeding hormone, prolactin), making sex seem even less attractive.
 
Painful intercourse is obviously a turn-off (look at painful sex). This can happen because the vagina is dry (look at sex and ageing) or for various other reasons. In some women, the pelvic and nearby muscles clamp up so strongly when intercourse is attempted that it is uncomfortable, painful or even downright impossible; this is called vaginismus.

Reasons in men

Pressure to perform well in bed seems to be increasing – fuelled by media images of the ever-potent, ever-ready male. A man is expected always to be able to perform sexually. At the same time, modern society expects him to deal with increasing stresses in the workplace, to do his share of household tasks, to be an intellectual companion and emotional support to his partner, and to be a perfect father. It is no wonder that he finds he cannot perform sexually. Over the past decade, the number of couples coming to Relate (the relationship counselling organization) with difficulties blamed on lack of sexual desire in the male partner has doubled.
 
Heavy drinking is a common cause of loss of interest in sex (and problems with erections). This is because alcohol eventually reduces the production of testosterone by the testes, interferes with processing of testosterone (male hormone) by the cells of the body, and affects the parts of the brain that control hormone balance.
 
A low testosterone level is seldom the reason for a loss of sex drive, but your doctor can check this quite easily.

Questions to ask yourself

Is this really a problem, are my expectations unrealistic, what do I really want, is it affecting my relationship? You and your partner may feel the situation is quite acceptable. On the other hand, it may be affecting your self-esteem and your relationship.
 
Am I depressed? Feelings of sadness, hopelessness and helplessness, with lack of energy and disturbed sleep, and an inability to find anything enjoyable are symptoms of depression. Modern antidepressants are very effective at treating depression, and are not addictive. As your depression gradually lifts, your sex life will improve. If this does not happen, it may be that the tablets are curing the depression, but their side effect is making the sex problem worse. Do not stop taking the medication; mention the problem to your doctor, who will be able to change the dose or use a different antidepressant.
 
Am I drinking too much? If so, try to cut down.
 
Have I started taking any new medications? A drug is unlikely to be the cause if you had already gone off sex before starting it, but otherwise it is worth checking with your doctor to see if any medication could be responsible.
 
Is there any other physical reason? If you are tired or physically unwell, it is quite reasonable to wish to put your sex life on hold for a while.
 
Is there any specific aspect of our sex life that is putting me off? A relatively simple problem, such as the type of contraception or pain during sex (look at painful sex), can be dealt with by a visit to your doctor or family planning clinic. However, there may be a problem that is easy to identify, but less easy to deal with. This could be anything – your partner’s standards of cleanliness, the type of sexual activities your partner wants, lack of privacy, a suspicion that your partner has a sexually transmitted disease, or a triggering of unpleasant memories of sexual abuse. Unfortunately, this type of problem does not usually go away on its own, but a counsellor (see Useful contacts) will be able to help you find the best way of dealing with it.
 
Is my loss of interest in sex really because I am unhappy about other aspects of the relationship? If so, tackle these issues, perhaps with the help of a counsellor.

Written by: Dr Margaret Stearn
Edited by: Dr Margaret Stearn
Last updated: Friday, February 1st 2013

 


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Comments on this article

Posted by Optional on 10/09/2014 at 05:25

So...My recently engaged fiancé (Also 19), Who I rarely see due to us being long distance,was shelling out sex every weekend. We would have sex 2-3 times a day and now I am receiving nothing after spending a whole week with him. Is it performance anxiety? He does go limp towards the middle sometimes. I don't understand what is going on and I can't help but blame my self. Please. Any advice would help.

Posted by mrs.dee on 30/08/2014 at 04:55

I've. been in a relationship for a year now and me and my boyfriend had sex maybe 8 time and its putting a damper on. our relationship I love him but there's no sexually connection is it his age he's 60 and I'm 48 I never touch his penis or saw him naked something wrong with this picture...help!!!

Posted by Optional on 30/08/2014 at 07:08

I was divorced for 14 years, after a 17 year marriage, prior to marrying my second wife. We have been married 8 years. This is her first marriage. She is the same age as me. The courtship was great and we were and are best friends. The problem is that we have not had sex for a little over 5 years as she has no interest and always has an excuse to not have it of being tired, feeling a bit sore in her legs and back. She has recently been diagnosed with arthritis. She has a history of anxiety and takes medication on an as needed basis, which is about 1-3 times every 2 weeks. She has no kids from previous relationships and it is her first marriage. We were married at 48. I had a very healthy sex life with my first wife, which also produced a daughter, who is now 25, as well as during the time I was divorced. I had several serious relationships while divorced that were long-term. I was not a "player" during my first marriage, during the time I was divorced or now. I have not cheated in any way on my current wife; however, it is very difficult as my sex drive is high and have not had any type of sexual interaction with my wife for over 5 years. I have discussed this with her in a calm way. She was seeing a professional counselor to assist with her anxiety during the most serious periods. We had a touch 3 years due to the economy where she lost her job-Accountant-due to a closing of the office and we had some financial difficulties. We have managed to recover completely from the financial collapse, with our only current debt being our home. No cars, credit card or other type of debts. We have an equity position in our current home of about 35%. I asked her to discuss this with her therapist, but am not sure she did. She will not open up to me about this and I don't know what to do at this point. I love her, we kiss, hold hands and have fun together, but there is no physical love past that of any kind. What do I do at that point? I am very frustrated at the situation. She won't tell me anything other than "No" or she is tired, or she is in pain; no discussion about how we can address this as a couple. What are my options at this point? Scared to lose her, Scared to never experience physical love with her again.

Posted by jay on 19/08/2014 at 04:51

My husband is no longer intrested in sex and will not talk about all he says it does not stay hard and he refuse to take any pills! I know with his copd and a fib along with back trouble that he hurts, but what gets me mad when he wants to work on a car or lanmower he will do it even if it is painfull/ the other thing is he show no romace at all also he is on bata blocker and blood tinner i juist wish he would show a little affection all he does is give ma a little kiss or hug! JAY

Posted by Optional on 07/08/2014 at 08:23

My wife has not given any kind of sex with me in over 25 years. In fact she will hardly even kiss me. I have found shaved pubic hair in her bathroom while doing chores around the house. I am a retired Marine and provide a very good income for us, she works. Also have found sexy undies while doing the laundry. She tell's me there is nothing going on and also tells me she has no sexy undies and does not shave/trim her pubic hair! What a I supposed to do. She will not discuss any of this with me. I love her but what is up with this?

Posted by Optional on 26/07/2014 at 07:34

My girl friend said she doesn't feel anything wen we are having sex. What is the cause????

Posted by Optional on 11/06/2014 at 09:50

hi me and my husband havent had sex in a year i feel rejected each time i throw myself to him when i approched the topic he said ever since he saw me giving birth to our two kids he lost interest in having sex with me. what can i do to kandle back our sexual life.

Posted by riya on 03/06/2014 at 04:07

sometimes i hate physical contacts...even with my family members. i just don't know why! and, i get uncomfortable when i think about having sex with my boyfriend.. the thought somehow scares me! I love him very much but I don't know what to do. we're supposed to get married in 1-2 years..!! Is something wrong with me? please give me a solution!

Posted by Mariam on 20/05/2014 at 03:49

This is good advise and valuable information. Thank you

Posted by Amytional on 13/05/2014 at 02:52

I'm 66 years old and I did have sex once when I was 20 years old.. That was my first, last and only time I had sex,intimacy. My husband hated sex, thought it was gross, vile,disgusting, messy ,smelly and can't understand what humans see in the sex act. It was not for him so he moved to our basement and has worked midnight since we've been married. We haven't talked or interacted with each other in well over 35 years. Its been a very lonely life for me.

Posted by jina on 22/04/2014 at 12:56

before marriage i used to get aroused if when my husband touched me, but after marriage i rarely feel aroused even during strong cuddlings. I am really worried. What is my problem? I want to make my husband happy. I too want to enjoy our physical relationship but i feel aroused rarely. please help.

Posted by lonely and deprived and neglected in Az on 19/04/2014 at 06:14

my fiance of 5 yrs stopped having sex with me.He is 49 and im 46 yrs young.He works out of town alot.I asked him why we dont have sex anymore?He says he has no desire,but he will jack off?He has no clue what a woman wants or needs to be balanced and happy in a relationship.He cant understand why i question his commitment to me.I need some advise on what i can and should do?Get on with my life or stay with him and hope it works out? I am so lonely.When he is home he pays no attention to me. He stays on his computer or avoids me. what does this mean? I have asked him and he gets defensive. He acts like i'm disturbing him.Please help..Need advise and thoughts. Everyone deserves intimacy and love, affection and attention.Thank you for listening.. Lonely deprived and neglected in Az

Posted by DarkTow3r on 03/04/2014 at 07:07

I told my woman that I am bored with the sex we have?...now she is saying what is the point of staying together...help I shared that to strengthen us...not the complete opposite...

Posted by Optional on 27/02/2014 at 08:58

Hi there My bf and I had a baby 8months ago and since last four months my bf he has no sex drive at all. We have sex maybe once in two weeks and not because he want it is more because of me. Please how can I help this relatshionship? I'm very frustrated.

Posted by joe on 19/02/2014 at 02:31

sudden lack of desire. 0%

Posted by Inkman 93 on 11/10/2013 at 02:31

Hi, me and my girlfriend have been together for nearly 4 years and at the start of the relationship we were both living with our parents and always having sex but we have our own house now and the sex has pretty much gone, i asked her why and she told me "it was because when I was living with my mum it was more frequent because we had to get it whenever we could" but now i feel like she isnt interested in me at all. I dont know what to do please help

Posted by amanda on 17/07/2013 at 08:41

I'm 30 he's 48, we been togather 5years, we had great sex roughly 8 times a week for the first 2years. But now we haven't had sex in 3years. I want it all the time. He never wants it. He's seys he's not in the mood, it must be the medicine he's on. He's turn me down so many times I don't even try anymore. I need help

Posted by Optional on 29/05/2013 at 10:31

Me and my fiancy have been together for 12 years on and off. We had a good sex life but now a day we both tired having sex and doing it once a week. But this time we tried to have a baby but anfortunately no lack I think because of less intercource.

Posted by Amy on 21/04/2013 at 11:14

My husband only had sex with me once in 45 years. That was our wedding night and then that was the end. He told me it was disgusting, gross, messy, smelly, not worth the effort and he couldn't understand how any one should have sex with another person, its inhuman. So I was stupid to live like this all these years. I blame myself and will never forgive myself.

Posted by JWH on 15/04/2013 at 05:05

I am a54yr old guy thats not dated in a long time am intertested in a lady that is 72 and hot but she has said she is done with sex how do I change her mind

Posted by Optional on 06/04/2013 at 02:59

I am 19 years old and i lost my interest in sex for 4-3 years ago. I have tried sex in a girlfriend and just with a women/girl on a party or just whenever but I don't know why it is

Posted by Optional on 20/03/2013 at 04:37

I'm 28, slim-built, attractive with decent social qualities. I've been in 2 relatively serious relationships in my life. Although I've come very close to doing it, I'm still a virgin. I am aware that I have trust issues, however I still think I can only be with one person in my life, hence the waiting for the right one (preferably in marriage). If I tell a guy I'm a virgin, 1. he wouldn't believe it 2. he'd bolt out the door. What am I missing here?

Posted by Optional on 19/03/2013 at 10:34

My partner of 5yr is 24 I am 41 and av totally gone off sex all we do is argue

Posted by Optional on 12/03/2013 at 10:06

About four years I had surgery on my spine , but prevues to that I had numbness n burning sensation down the whole of my right hand side of my body , that is when I told my husband i couldn't feel him in me when we were having sex , told this to my then neurologist , but she had yet to explain why this would be ,four n a bit years on and I'm still the same , why is this ???

Posted by culd care less on 05/03/2013 at 12:11

i am 37 my boyfriend is 24 and we have been together for 5yrs. It has gotten to the point where I could care less if we ever have sex again,but its driving him crazy,we hardly ever argue but when we do its because I don't want to have sex.Should we just call it quits so he can go on and be happy sexually or what do i do?

Posted by akhi on 22/02/2013 at 01:09

i have a problem that my girl friend is not intrested in sex, she also need to have sex with me.but she can't accept these thing . she really hates the thing. she is not intrested means she can't accept that thing . is any way to solve this problem

Posted by Optional on 08/02/2013 at 01:44

When I was a young man; I heard a funny joke. It was 'Every time you have sex in the first year of marriage, put a pea in a large jar and after the first year every time you have sex; take a pea out and you never empty it' But with my wife of sixty years, it's been a case that we would have hardly covered the bottom of a jar. I was very young and inexperience, in fact we were both virgins when we were wed and I have always wondered that it was my clumsiness in the beginning that cause her frigidity, which has lasted all of her life. We did have two children and both were very hard deliveries. I am sure she never had an orgasm and she said many years later that she could have lived without sex. Most men would have got out of the situation but I was devoted to her and the children and as the years went by I just accepted the situation. I have always wondered if she might have had a better relationship with some one else and that has made me feel sorry for her. The main reason for my divulging this is; that for the last twenty years my wife has gradually become more and more ill due to immune deficiency problems and I am convinced it's because she has never had satisfactory sex life.

Posted by Kim on 04/02/2013 at 02:00

I think the biggest reason for not having interest in sex with your partner is not being turned on by him/her People think sex has to do with love, and it has nothing at all to do with it at all. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you are physically attracted to them.

Posted by shyam on 01/02/2013 at 10:17

i think all your advised is good but people are addicted of sex for those it is nothing this advise do not work so advice the addicted what to do and how to get rid of the habits

Posted by p kumar on 28/01/2013 at 12:24

am 37 year old,now i felt from 1 year lost sexual desire ?

Posted by TJ on 18/12/2012 at 03:23

My 44yo GF of almost 5yrs has all of a sudden lost intrest in sex,, says she doesnt know why and that she jus has no desire to,, she claims it has nothing to do with me,, but i dont know if i really believe that.. Because how can someone that loved sex so much, and wanted it constanly,, regular sex, oral sex,, a practically self proclaimed " love to have sex kind of girl", jus all of a sudden not be intrested anymore????? It drives me crazy cuz theres nothing i can do, and i love her more then anything,, & if she doesnt want sex, then i to have to go without.. I try,, and i do everything possible to get her to wanna have sex,, i mean these things would make any woman wanna have sex,, but it dont seem to even phase her.. And she dont even talk about it, or try to fix it, or explore what the problem might be,, she jus gets mad at me and says the same thing over, and over,, "IM NOT INTRESTED IN HAVING SEX, I DONT HAVE ANY DESIRE TO, WHAT DONT YOU UNDERSTAND" ??????? So is she just BS'n me, or is it a mental problem, A female problem, or what??

Posted by Optional on 18/12/2012 at 06:56

wife of 30+ had early menses. Wouldn't consider HRT. Says she's interested in sex but does nothing to support that, either starting, receiving or participating any foreplay. I have no problem with ED or libido, just no where to use it. She won't admit she's dry & won't do anything about it, gets weird about germs, normal positions people do this aren't comfortable and complains. I'm not into backdoor at all or is she. So over half of the time has been without, it's frustrating for both. Did see counselor but didn't last long and had no improvements. No outside influences created this situation, just nature. if this is the part of marriage better or worse, guess it's the worse part.

Posted by Optional on 06/12/2012 at 07:52

I had a child in 2011.after a child was born i started becoming dry during sex so knw is permanent i dont fill any interest in sex anymore and am worried because m still young and my partner is suffering a lot.i am using cotraceptive injection.please help me before is too late.

Posted by Optional on 09/11/2012 at 07:42

when i first got married our sex life was fantastic but 9yrs without sex is killing me when i sugest doing enything sexual he calls it dirty and disgusting and looks at me with shear hate.he never puts his arms around me or cuddles me he used to be so caring now iam looky to get a smile from him he makes me feel like his mother who basacley wiped his bottom .when sex got less and less i wished i would have called it a day now at my age of 52 bags and all who the hell would have me now please help this as got me to breaking point with him.

Posted by Shaweta on 29/10/2012 at 08:24

Im 24 f n I got married in last year 10 months of marriage.. There is nothing happened on my first night between us n my hubby has small penis wen it is erect it is only 4 or 4.5. He donot have interest in sex wen i want to change his mood then he stopped me n saying stop this he never starts first not even kisses. We had ony 10-15 times sex in 10 months. Wen i ask him about baby he always said when god would give us. Please help me i dnt know what i hv to do i can not shAre my this probm to anyone..:-(

Posted by Optional on 21/10/2012 at 04:59

Im 35 my husband 55. Married 12yrs used to have great sex tben it go to b just wkend now its bc i ask or constantly talk about it or bring it up....hinting so i didnt for a month guess what NO SEX!! What gives

Posted by Optional on 18/10/2012 at 07:07

well me and my husband been toghether for 5 yrs and it was hard at first but we got connected really good we have 3 kids of 4,3,1 years old and i stay home all day with them and ist preatty exausting he gets home and dont help me with the kids so thers days that im up and going for 23hours straght well like 2 months ago i just dont have the urege or need to have sex and i know my husbandits getting tired of it i love him and i do want to have sex but i dont know wats going on we r a freaky cuple when we do have sex and its really good some advices will hellp thanks

Posted by JamesC on 11/10/2012 at 01:32

My marriage has been sexless for more than two decades. The problem is I cannot function sexually in any relationship except one that is casual. This is due to anxiety which happens whenever a relationship I'm in starts getting serious. This anxiety in turn shuts down my ability to perform sexually. As long as I can keep my sexual partner at arm's length emotionally my sexual functioning is just fine. Years of therapy has not been able to fix this. My wife has stayed with me though and understands that the lack of sex in our relationship is due to a psychological problems that I did try to get fixed when we first got married.

Posted by Sushil on 06/10/2012 at 09:20

Loss of sexual attraction due to medicine

Posted by saleem ahmed on 30/09/2012 at 05:21

all of a sudden in one night lost mentally and physically i lost sex ability but not my wife in this position 12 year passed i not discuses with any doctor

Posted by Christos on 11/09/2012 at 08:00

My partner always is willing for sex or to pleasure me in any way but I am so embarrassed and put off going to bed with her. I don't drink or smoke

Posted by Optional on 16/08/2012 at 06:04

Im 23 and have recently met someone new. Weve only been in a relationship for around 6 weeks and ive lost interest in having sex. Before i met my current partner i really enjoyed sex. Im not sure what seems to be the problem now. Ive been on anti-depressants for almost 4years so i dont think that is the problem. Im generally well and healthy. Im really frustrated and im sure my boyfriend must be noticing my lack of desire.

Posted by Optional on 08/07/2012 at 04:36

my partner,decided to tell me he is not interested in sex after 2 1/2 yrs he would never make any move on me, iv tried and tried with him, now i have given up, and just live together, i get a peck on the lips thats all, i feel i am his companion/housekeeper, i end up on the settee when hes gone to sleep, because im finding it difficult to come to terms with, with no physical contact, iv tried talking and all he says is hes not interested in sex, but says he loves me, but thats not enough, hes had tests and everything is normal, i dont know what to do anymore its broke my heart. in

Posted by Optional on 16/05/2012 at 03:56

I wasn't always "uninterested" in sex...infact, I was just the opposite! For the past 5 years, I've gotten to the point that I don't even think of sex!! What the hell??? ...and, I'm laying in bed next to him!!! I was recently married to him, and he's the best in so many, many ways. 25 years of, uh, let's see, choosing to remain single because I suck at my choices...raising 2 young boys by myself and being a child/adult victim of abuse. Is this hormonal or am I too damn young to feel this weird 'un-desire'? Sincerely!!!! Diana

Posted by Marcella H. on 14/03/2012 at 03:39

I am against drinking but not occasionaly, my bf told me that he was not an alcoholic before i moved in with him and he started slowly drnking and his family admited that he was drinking but he always got a reason to drink. My sex drive is completely out. Could the alcoholism of my bf realy killed my sex drive ?

Posted by rose on 15/02/2012 at 08:15

i have a very good and close relationship with my boyfriend who is a westerner.. i am a asian. However, this does not cause any problem.. we had a wonderful fun sexual relationship in the beginning of the relationship.. I am a very passionate and fun person who is game in trying anything and never a bored.. However, one day my bf jus not into sex anymore..i mean it got lesser and lesser and one day he told me he is not sexually attracted to me anymore..he don't feel the zest to want to rip off my clothes and make love...WE still love each other very much and we seldom argue but i am frustrated act this as i have a high sex drive.. i am still very healthy..and so is my bf..only of late he have anxiety attack.probably due to work stress. Sex is important to me..but i don't understand how he can be loving me sooo much but does not have passion to make love to me... pls help..its not good for our relationship..i am in a loss..i feel frustrated not having enough sex..

Posted by Optional on 31/01/2012 at 04:33

I am married to my best friend. Our lives would be a match made in heaven if it wasn't for our sex life. While sex isn't the most important thing in life, it's still pretty damn important. I had spent the first several years of our marriage crying myself to sleep. I tried every possible thing to try to fix the problem. I have only been left with low self esteem and feelings of rejection. When we do finally have our once a year sex, it's so unpracticed and uncomfortable that it just makes me sad. My husband knows it's a problem that is killing our marriage. There is no physical closeness, no intimacy. I have to beg for a kiss greater than a peck. He tells me that it's not me - that he thinks I'm beautiful but that doesn't decrease the loneliness or the rejection. He says that sex never enters into his thoughts. This will be the end of our marriage if it isn't resolved because it effects every aspect of it, how I think of myself, and my perception of what I think I mean to him, my happiness. He says he is going to get help by talking to a counselor and that he doesn't like being this way either. Can someone be helped if a sexual thought never enters their mind? I don't want to lose an otherwise great relationship but I'm not very hopeful that their is a solution.

Posted by Optional on 24/01/2012 at 12:34

I recent started to feel diffent I can not hold member. My wife is pregnant right know. I don't think that's the issue it's been about 2 or 3 weeks that I am not able to have sex with my wife. I am getting scared I don't want my wife to leave me because of this.

Posted by Mandy on 28/12/2011 at 05:34

My husband hasn't wanted anything to do with me for 40 plus years. Everything was fine until I said I DO and we had sex once. From that point until now its been all down hill He cancelled our honey moon, decided to start working midnights, with weekends mid week. Moved all his things down stairs and set up house keeping. Also he worked all his vacation days, and all the holidays so he didn't have to buy me something or be with me and our families. We have never went out together after we were married. I have friends who don't even know I'm married. It took awhile to accept the fact that this is the way my life should be. I've only had sex once no affection or intimacy. My dream is that someone would just hold me so I could cry. Why I stayed with this person, I really don't know. I know I didn't want to embarasse myself and our families.

Posted by Paul on 17/09/2011 at 04:52

Haven't an interest in sex for almost 30 years. Started with E/D,blood pressure. cholestrol, sleep problems. So now that I'm retired why bother with intimacy and sex. Wife has other thoughts but its to late now.

Posted by bohlokoa Mokoena on 12/07/2011 at 03:14

I have lost interest in sex lately, is it because of my age? is it a permanent phase or it will just pass? yes I am drinking and smoking, is there any medication recommended to my problem?

Posted by Optional on 29/01/2011 at 11:59

was always into sex, anywhere anytime and scarily anyone, i actually thought i had a problem as i dreamt it and lived for it, couldnt get enough...then had a bub whose now 4yrs, have been single for 3yrs and havent bothered looking at a man in that entire time. The father never broke my heart or anything, i was very happy he finally left actually, so hes not my problem... im just hating having no sex drive at all, no interest in it, nothing....the thought of it these days repulses me for some reason, like its a filthy act... i dont understand whats going on, i just hope its a phase that will pass.

Posted by Optional on 17/01/2011 at 09:16

I just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl,she's 4 months now. There has been no sex during the pregnancy coz the father did not want to poke his child. Afterbirth still no sex,reason-experience during delivery of the baby. He did not actually see the whole process but he only entered the delivery room just before I was moved to my resting room. I feel I am not sexy anymore for him even though he explained to me that its the blood he saw,he was traumatised. Am just lonely.

Posted by Optional on 14/09/2010 at 04:44

Wife and I married 43 years and 30 without sex, intimacy and any kind of love. Were just friends who own the same house. I have no desire for sex and intimacy. I get all creeped out just thinking about it. I would say I don't love my wife or have any desire for her. If she went away that would be fine with me.

Posted by Optional on 28/08/2010 at 01:47

Have been disinterested in sex since year 2 of my marriage. had strong feelings for a young man at work which left me confused. 8 years ago i had a relationship with a young woman which is now historybut my wife cannot forget. I had a stroke 2 years after the relationship which has affected my mobility. My wife is 12 years younger than me and is desperate for a close physical relationship. What can we do?>

Posted by Kerrie on 24/06/2010 at 01:16

Men who have no interest in sex can sometimes be lacking in testosterone, and if yr husband saw the doctor he might be able to get treatment? He says he's not attracted to you probably because he feels inadequate as a man and it's always easier to blame someone else than admit you have a problem. Explain to him that sex really isn't the MOST important thing in your relationship but it is important. For the lady with no desire, I dont know if it will help you as it has helped me but I use st John's Wort, 330mg tablets, one a day. It lifts my mood a little, enough to give me a little bit of desire for sex. My partner is a wonderful man who understands that a womans arousal mostly starts with her mental state. He would like to have sex more often but we agreed that would take the lead in initiating sex, then he would know that he wasn't forcing me into anything and also we could cuddle in a loving way without me fearing that it would lead onto something more. My fear of making him feel rejected was huge, making the issue even bigger for me that it should have been. Hope this helps xxx

Posted by Optional AKTHER on 16/03/2010 at 03:39

I WAS A VIRGIN BEFORE I MARRIED AND JUS LOVED WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY VIDEOS AND IMAGINED IT BEING ME AND MASTURBATED A LOT SEX ON MY MIND 24/7 BUT FIRST HAD A LOT OF PAIN AS HUBBY TRIED GETTING IN AND SHOCKINGLY NEVER LIKED IT I JUST DO IT TO PLEASE HUBBY FOR HIS SAKE DR SAYS MANY ASIAN WOMEN DONT ENJOY IT I WAS SURPRISED I NEED HELP

Posted by rima on 04/11/2009 at 02:13

my husband always had less intrest in sex , which he blamed on me ,in 10 years of marraige its been hardly once in 4 months or less , but now i am majorly frusrated . and now hes says he cant do it because he dosnt like me &i can do it with some body else . can i know what is wrong here pls i am soooooooooooooooo upset.

Posted by Anonymous on 07/05/2009 at 09:09

please help i have no sexual disisre at all i have been with my partner for 14 years and i love him very much, he is so understanding and i feel that the the way am just isnt fair. admittedly i am in pain 75% of the time due to having endometriosis, which i am being treated for. but to make ythings worse i just have no sexual desire at all, the most i want is a cuddle as soon any sexual contact fondling etc i make excuses of having somthimg to do or being tired ... god what is wrong with i am really concerned that we cant go on like this as it just isnt fair to my partner please help

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