Dr Phil: Pile Driver
Some people think that piles
Are varicose veins of the bot but
In fact they’re spongy pads
Like lips at the end of your gut
To stop the leak of slime
But sometimes they slip down
Isn’t this a charming rhyme?
And swells up full of blood
And when you do a poo
It drops further than it should
Though none of them can sing
One stays put, two pops back
But three can really swing
More so as we age
In constipation and pregnancy
They’re really all the rage
A panty stain or two
Perhaps a bit of blood
After you’ve done a poo
If you just let them be
Water, fibre, fruit and veg
To keep it soft and easy
Dab dry with cotton wool
Apply a little Vaseline
But don’t scratch, as a rule
And keep your paper soft
And if you feel one popping down
Try popping it aloft
With soothing cream or gel
It doesn’t make them go away
But it can reduce the swell
Pop down to your GP
It probably is just piles
But it’s worth a look and see.
Written by: Dr Phil Hammond
Edited by: Dr Phil Hammond
Last edited:
Friday, February 5th 2010
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